Microsoft Windows Really Crappy Edition

UPDATED

A few years ago, when ordered by a judge to remove Internet Explorer from the Windows operating system, Microsoft offered as one option an operating system that wouldn't work. I called this "compliance with a raised middle finger."

Now, ordered by the European Union to sell a version of Windows with Media Player removed, Microsoft proposed to name the OS "Windows XP Reduced Media Edition," another example of the company's tendency to give the finger to government whenever the mood strikes. (This latest insult-the-judge move is even more puzzling given that the EU didn't tell our favorite monopolist to sell the "reduced" version at a lower price, which means that PC makers are hardly likely to opt for a version that has less software at the same price.)

Anyway, Microsoft agreed to rename (eWeek) the non-Media Player version after the EU protested. But this leaves open the issue of what the actual name should be.

The title of this posting offers one suggestion. Here are some other possibilities, all showing due appreciation for Microsoft's rare combination of arrogance, paranoia and predatory skill.

Windows Government Censored Version

Windows We Should Be Able to Bundle A Roast Beef Sandwich With the OS If We Want To Edition

Windows Don't Blame Us For Your Security Problems Edition

Windows Until We Become Part of Your Taxes Edition

You get the general idea. But Microsoft needs your ideas, too. Post them below.

Let's work together to assist a poor helpless giant.

UPDATE: As usual, someone has thought about this before I did. See this funny posting by Rex Hammock.

Comments

[HT]

Microsoft Windows Eeeyuuh Edition

[Jim Hill]

Microsoft Windows See How Much Like A Mac It Looks Edition.

OK, that'll come with Longhorn, but it's never too soon to register a trademark.

[Jeff Jensen]

Windows, Apple & Linux & Sun can all bundle everything they want, media, browser, etc. but we can't, edition.

[Randy]

Microsoft Why Does Apple Get To Bundle iTunes But Windows Can't Edition

[Craig]

Windows Don't Buy this Version, but the one next to it Edition

[Rex Hammock]

Dan, last Friday, I posted my top 10 suggestions on the rexblog (http://www.rexblog.com/2005/01/28#a5693). Here they are:

10. Windows Weakling
9. Windows Yugo
8. Windows Mute
7. Windows Crash
6. Windows Without
5. Windows Osama
4. Windows Short Horn
3. Windows Slow Edition
2. Windows FU-EU
and the number one least appealing name...
1. Windows Mini

[MasonMcD]

In the great tradition of ripping off Apple, how about Windows Sosumi?

Second runner up: Windows Sofa King What Edition

[Tim]

Windows: We'll Take over the world with the next version.

or

Windows: The more crappy version.

or

Windows: Another version we can sell version.

or finally

Windows: The Close your eyes and imagine it's Longhorn version.

[JK]

Dan, I think you are a sore loser in this whole episode. Get over this Microsoft thingy and move on.

[Joe]

Not one that reflects Microsoft's petulant attitude, but one that would more accurately reflect the reality of the product's features:

Windows XP SE,BSC (Security Enhanced, But Still Crappy) Edition

===============

Or, maybe this:

Windows XP-WMP: Spyware Maker's Nightmare-Come-True Edition

[Tristan Louis]

Windows LT (aka Windows Light)

[mackinaw]

windows: malware siren edition

[Cory Doctorow]

Windows: DRM-free edition

[Brian Baute]

How could we distinguish "Windows Really Crappy Edition" from all other Windows editions since they're all, well, really crappy?

[Herb]

Hmm.
Windows SLO-P (as in sloppy)
Or Windows EU-NIX(ed)

[fling93]

Randy: Microsoft Why Does Apple Get To Bundle iTunes But Windows Can't Edition

In general, there's nothing wrong with bundling as a practice. The only issue is when you bundle something with a product in which you have a monopoly. That's illegal leveraging of your monopoly to gain an insurmountable competitive advantage in another market. You can argue whether or not Microsoft really has a monopoly or whether governments ought to constrain monopolies, but that's the difference. I've written at length on this.

[David]

How about:

Windows without Media because even our programmers prefer the iPod

or

This WIndows Sucks Less

[Robert Gagnon]

Isn't about time all the complaining about Windows ends and we all just use a digital platform that works, ie OX/X on a Mac

[Karen M.]

How about just WYSIAWIG-LOL which could apply to ANY Windows software?

[Karen M.]

Yikes! a typo!!!

should have been WYSIAWYG-LOL...

(A = Almost)

On second thought, that "I" also works, for first person singular...

[Joi Ito]

Windows Royale

[Steve]

Windows Pong

[Jim]

MS Windows Spyware Edition.

[Khalid]

Windows IR (iTunes Ready edition)

[Sometimes Offensive]

Windows For the Visually Impaired Edition.

[kevin jump]

Windows: you'll just have to download the other half Edition

[MS Bob]

The obvious answer is Windows XP.

[HT]

JK,

It's not so much that Dan is a sore loser, it's that the whole world loses because MS has been allowed to continue its monopoly and milk it for all it's worth.

MS should have been broken up long ago: one company for the OS, another for applications. The only people who benefit from the MS monopoly are its employees and stockholders.

Everyone else loses, and by god yes, they should be sore. Unfortunately, a large number of them simply don't realize they're being had.

[Dave -win32]

Simple... Windows EU ( EU = Entertainment Uninstalled )

[Swissfondue]

In keeping in tradition with memorable MS product names, MS will obviously name it Microsoft Windows XP Media Center Edition 2005 European Union Light Version. The easy to remember acronym being "MSWINXPMC05EULV"

[Owen]

Windows Limited Edition -- like putting a chrome LE on a Chevy truck and hoping people mistake it for a BMW

[Stomaphagus]

They're just doing a little advertising -- I don't imagine they ever thought that the name would fly, but it put the idea in the public's head that their government was crippling their software, an idea that can only benefit Microsoft. Then, when they change the name to something more benign, they might look like good guys.

Realistically, they'll call it "Microsoft Windows XP EU Edition."

It'd be nice if they laid a positive spin on it, say, "Microsoft Windows XP Open Media Edition." But no.

I like the "Microsoft Windows XP Download The Rest Edition," though.

Or "Microsoft Windows XP KILL YOUR EU REPRESENTATIVE! DO IT! DO IT! Edition."

[SongZilla_Blogger]

Women may buy cars, but I think men still buy the OS in the family. The OS name should take the demographic of the buyers into account:

Windows C'mon, Be A Man and Get the Real Version

(or)

Windows for Wimps

(or)

Windows Short "Horn"

(or)

Windows XS (You Know What)

(or)

Windows Small, Because You Know You Are, Too

...Oh, they should sell like hotcakes at the beach.

/Eric

[Iain Stewart]

Maybe:

Windows XMedia

Windows EU (pronounced Windows YOU, son of Windows ME)

Windows Open (or perhaps, Windows Shut?)

+-+-+-+-+
|I|A|I|N|
+-+-+-+-+

[Stomaphagus]

Oh, duh, of course. The man buys the OS.

Windows XP Soft 'n Cuddly Edition

Windows XP Hung Like A Gnat Edition

Windows XP Bureaucratic Suck-Up Edition

[thetechhack]

Windows X(eno)P(hobic) Edition?

Still, at least system builders like Dell and HP don't have any plans to use it.

[the_strategy_freak]

Windows Random Code Edition. They should do that and see how it goes over. That had nothing to do with the original topic but that would be interesting. Same for X(eno)P(hobic) Edition; that would mean they were afraid of strangers or other races. I don't think they would mind screwing the EU. Heh; I phrased that wrong, but oh well! Thats a funny thought.

[the_strategy_freak]

Maybe WRCE would randomly include Windows Media Player.

Do NOT Click On This

UNLESS YOU'RE ABOUT TO ROCK!!!

P.S. That was random but what I want to know is if you open it in iTunes as a stream: is that illegal? I don't think it is, but I'm not sure...

[Steven Ericsson Zenith]

It doesn't matter what Microsoft call it ... but we could call it:

Microsoft Windows - Get Real

[Mike Williams]

Windows XP Silent Edition
Windows XP Sans Bells & Whistles
Windows XP Let's tie up the phoneline for another download edition
Windows XP LIM (Less Is More)

[Kyle Johnson]

Microsoft Tinted Windows.

[Mike Williams]

And of course:

Windows Double-glazed...

[JS]

Windows XP: "Our friends at the federal government know best" version.

[M Burke]

It seems this has just become another opportunity for people to bash Microsoft. In this brave new world of wealth redistribution, everyone likes to beat on the successful. Not only is the EU unfairly targeting Microsoft, forcing them to remove parts of their system that others can bundle, but the folks 'suggesting' names for their reduced version are taking pot-shots in their naming.

If the folks who make Linux (or even Apple for that matter) were to make a superior product and mass market it as well as Microsoft has, the whiners would be all over them instead. The reason spyware and virus makers target Windows is *because* it is so successful and there are so many users of it. It is evident that, given the open-source nature of Linux and the Unix-based Apple OS that virii and the like would be much easier to program for those platforms, yet since it draws little attention to the makers (which is the intent of such malicious code) it is less likely to occur.

As for the EU, I think it is about time Microsoft started 'giving the finger' to unfair government interference in their business. At some point, MS should invest in some weapons systems and declare Redmond as a sovereign nation. ;)

[Steven Holloway]

Windows XP Minus The Bloatware Edition
or
Windows XP Version so you think your XP version is old and uncool version and want to buy 3 disk bloatware version.
Has anyone actually wrestled with the Windows XP Media Center Edition?
It seem to be everywhere here in Australia, we appear to MS's testing ground for sucker the world marketing tactics.
It has 3 disks and the install process is rather annoying, it asks for the additional disks in the wrong order. I have been SUPPORTING (and it needs a lot) the various incarnations of windows for almost 10 years. And from experience they are all pretty average. If MS cared more about good technology and making a good system not trying to leverage people into propriety formats eg WMA, Media Player needs a purchasable plug-in to make MP3's then these Government Interventions would not be necesary. the fact that they are bigger and wealthier than several Sovereign nations is not something to
Thankfully for the world Apple have become very competative and OS X is built on good operating system philosophy.
Anyway I have had a hoot at the very creative names thanks to everyone who posted
:)

[Charlie Gordon]

45 posts [so far] and no one has yet suggested Windows Blind. HHmmmmmm.

[Colin Edington]

Hmmm hopefully the new linux system will offer a GOOD alternative to windows but until then, hopefully the next edition will not blow up everytime i touch something. Windork.

[willc2]

Windows: Electric Boogaloo

Windows: We work 60 hours per week while you work 35 and that's why we're selling you our OS instead of teh other way around Edition

Windows WE (wiseass edition)

[willc2]

Windows: Electric Boogaloo

Windows: We work 60 hours per week while you work 35 and that's why we're selling you our OS instead of teh other way around Edition

Windows WE (wiseass edition)

[willc2]

sorry for the 2xpost

[willc2]

sorry for the 2xpost

[Kybergreg]

MS Windows XP OK, you didn't like the MediaPlayer anyway Edition
-> which is true ;-)